Everything changes the moment you have a baby. Your priorities change, your schedule changes – even the time you spend in the shower is not spared. Having a baby may affect the dynamics of your relationship with your husband, too, but the romance doesn’t have to die.
If you have just given birth or are busy taking care of a little baby, at this moment, your world may revolve around this new person. You’re tracking every tiny development and just taking delight in everything they do. That’s understandable and totally normal!
But don’t forget about your husband. Instead, make this new chapter in your lives a reason to make your relationship even stronger.
Remember that a better marriage helps you become better parents. The good news is that there are many ways to keep the spark alive after having a baby. These tips will help intensify the emotional connection between you and your husband.
8 Ways to Keep the Marriage Strong After Having a Baby
1. It’s the little things.
You don’t need grand gestures to express love, especially when you’re in the middle of this hectic new phase. Putting thought into the little things we do every day makes a huge difference. It may not be easy at first, but sooner or later, expressing love with the little things you do will become second-nature.
Begin with the things that you are already doing. If you think it’s household chores, then begin with household chores. As unromantic as it may sound, you can actually bond together while mopping floors or washing dishes. Take this time to catch up and talk.
If you stay at home and your husband works – or vice versa – send little text messages throughout the day. You don’t need to spend an entire afternoon texting (because who has time for that?), but a few text messages just might make your day.
2. Make time for each other.
Unlike the old days when you only had eyes for your partner, now, your time is divided. Most of your attention understandably goes to your baby and fulfilling their needs. But don’t fall into the trap of neglecting your husband. Even a few minutes of quality time with your partner works wonders.
If you can spend an hour fully devoted to each other daily, then that would be amazing. However, if a few minutes is all you can spare now, don’t feel bad. What’s important is how you spend it. For example, after rushing through a hectic morning routine, spend 10 seconds at the door for a sweet goodbye kiss.
At night, after your baby’s bedtime routine is done, spend a few quiet moments with your partner. Ask them about their day, and tell them about yours. De-stress together and give each other a backrub. Your husband is your support group, and if you are doing this parenting thing, then you should do it together.
3. Go generous with the compliments.
One way to express your love is by dishing out compliments every now and then. What’s wonderful about this is that you don’t have to schedule it – you don’t even have to think about it once you get into the habit! Be generous with the compliments and don’t scrimp on the praises.
You see, it’s easy to become critical once you become a parent. When you’re used to a certain standard of parenting or keeping the household, it can become dangerously easy to focus on what went wrong. But instead of looking for flaws, be on the lookout for the things that went right.
Don’t hesitate to praise each other for little things like a new haircut or a delicious meal. Because you are a team, you need to encourage each other with positive words rather than criticisms. Let other people criticize you – your home is supposed to be a safe haven, so leave all the negativity at the door!
4. Write sweet notes.
Who doesn’t like receiving a handwritten letter? It’s a very thoughtful way to show someone that you care. Even with all the chaos at home, you don’t have to stop writing letters! A simple letter – even a short note scribbled on a brown bag – is guaranteed to brighten up your day.
You will not always have time to sit down and compose a romantic letter. Well, if you do have the time, then go ahead and write! But for ordinary days, writing a quick note does the job, too. Write a little note and stick it to where your partner can see it, such as the fridge or the bathroom mirror.
If your partner leaves for work, then stick a note on their briefcase or inside their lunch bag. Even if you don’t have a lot of time to talk, a simple note will show your partner how much you love and care for them.
5. Play games!
Playing games is not only for kids! By spending some time playing, you get to de-stress and be entertained. More importantly, it is a nice way to bond with your partner and remember how much fun you have with each other. Take a lot of pictures because you are making memories, too.
Sweat it out and get some exercise while being romantic with your partner! If you are both athletic, you can, for example, take your baby with you to a nearby tennis court and play a friendly – or competitive – game of tennis. If you can leave your baby with a babysitter, then that’s better.
You may also opt for board games or card games, which are just as exciting. You don’t have to leave the house, which is a plus if you can’t get a babysitter. And if you don’t have board games at home, there are a lot of game apps that you can download. It doesn’t really matter what you play as long as you’re able to spend some quality time with your loved one.
6. Get each other small gifts.
You may have noticed a theme here: you don’t have to express your love for each other grandly. You only have to be consistent. The theme also applies to this tip. You don’t have to buy each other expensive gifts; instead, you only need a little token to remind your partner that you’re thinking about them.
Observe your partner. What do they need? Perhaps they need a new razor and just didn’t have the time to buy one. A little surprise never fails to make someone feel special, and they will surely appreciate the thought and effort that went into the gift, no matter how small it may seem.
It doesn’t even have to be anything they need. You can pick up a new book, for example, because you know it’s written by their favorite author. And you don’t have to actually buy a gift. If you like baking, then you can surprise them with their favorite cookies. It’s a great way to show them how special they are to you.
7. Schedule date nights.
Once in a while, go on date nights. It can be a challenge to look for someone who can babysit your baby for the night, but it will be worth it. If you can’t do it weekly, then have a date twice a month. Whatever you decide on, pencil it in your calendar and prioritize it over everything else.
Again, it doesn’t need to be an expensive date. You can have dinner somewhere or watch a movie. You can even go grocery-shopping and bond over that. You just need to do something that will make you feel connected as a couple and increase the intimacy between the two of you.
If life becomes too hectic and it’s impossible to find a sitter, you can have date nights at home. Watch a movie and cuddle on the sofa underneath soft blankets. During these date nights, your full attention should be on each other. No distractions and definitely no phones allowed!
8. Say “I love you” often.
Saying “I love you” is such an underrated way to show your partner how much you love them. But words are just as powerful as actions, and sometimes, it’s these words that can make and break a couple. Say “I love you” to your partner often and really mean it.
There is power behind words. Even when you say “I love you” in random, the words will leave a lasting effect that will strengthen your connection with each other. These words give you the assurance that you are loved, which makes you more confident and less stressed.
Saying “I love you” is a simple way of reminding your partner that you’re a team and you’re doing life together – even when everything else seems messy, with a new baby in your midst.
Keeping the spark alive after having a baby is no easy feat, but spending time building your relationship with your partner is one thing that you will never regret doing.